This is my key moment. The exact time when I must go, because life is a repeating cycle.
(SIREN WITH THE CANDY) K HLFR’W MMON EQASQG.
(BABY, YOU AND ME) LWSV OE.
(BAD THINGS HAPPEN) L’R ARWZB N ORY PLR PRTSHI.
(EVERY DAY GOES BY) WJNB EJONNG ON WJN VPXZ SDHGW.
(A CRYSTALLINE WORLD) L CPXLEQ’T FYEO EE B SRJQCFVS.
(I DUG MYSELF UNDER) L HNVIAYI CR FN ISAJSCWIW.
(THIS ALL LEAVES ME NOW) FA PC HUMGQHU, EC OB PQYI.
-Courtney Anne Ullman
There is clearly an indication that Sewer Horse Records was involved in this. Let’s take it line by line.
SIREN WITH THE CANDY
A siren is an ancient creature that takes a seductive shape and calls sailors to their death with a beautiful song. SHR offered us a deal that was too good to be true, and they brokered the deal without most of the band there, so SHR is the Siren with the candy in this scenario.
BABY, YOU AND ME
Courtney didn’t have much going on in her life. “You and me” must refer to herself and the band, all of us. Baby, must reference the baby that we had together, i.e. our album.
BAD THINGS HAPPEN
This appears at surface level as fairly self-explanatory, although looking just a little deeper reveals that she seems to be suggesting that she had no agency. She didn’t make bad things happen, according to this, bad things just “happen” to her. This clearly suggests that someone else was behind her death, and if someone was behind her death, they likely were behind the death of Darryl, as well. Who are they? I wager my left arm it’s SHR.
EVERY DAY GOES BY
Every day passes, goes by. If the days are gone, then we are left with the night, right? Perhaps. Or perhaps she uses this line to reference the lack of a day/night system.
A CRYSTALLINE WORLD
What kind of world is she talking about? Why does she use this line here? I bet it’s some clue to SHR’s ENTER division’s operations. I think the drugs she was using were synthesized by scientists at SHR. Some kind of stimulant designed for performance enhancement and mind control.
I DUG MYSELF UNDER
This is particularly interesting, that she says this here, because this is the only line in her note that gives her agency as the one doing the action. Even still, it is an action against herself, suggesting that even though she had the opportunity to do something, it was not entirely her choice. At least, who would choose to dig themselves under instead of dig themselves out? Another clue that she was coerced into committing suicide.
THIS ALL LEAVES ME NOW
Still, even when she kills herself, she isn’t doing it of her own free will… The world leaves her. We all left her, I think.